First off, I realize that you are probably not an A-hole. I think the fact that you were an older bald gentleman in a suit who, from what I could see in my rearview mirror, looked genuinely perplexed as to why I was stopped at a green light helps your case a little.
But seriously. Are you suffering from declining eyesight, or could you not see through my effing windshield that there was an effing bus just past the intersection that had stopped to let off passengers? Have you not heard of this concept called “Don’t Block the Box”?
Perhaps you are too old to realize it, but “Don’t Block the Box” is a well-known campaign across the United States and at this point is pretty established thinking in many major American cities. The idea is that, even if you have a green light, if you can’t get completely through the intersection—say there’s a lot of traffic on the other side or, oh, I don’t know, a bus that’s letting off some passengers—you sit tight on your side of the goddamn intersection.
The point, if you need further explanation, is to reduce gridlock. Because one of the most annoying things on your morning commute is to not be able to move forward at a green light because some jerk on the cross-street is jutting out into the intersection.
You know what another super-annoying thing is? Before you retort, “A driver who is stopped at a green light,” let me answer my completely rhetorical question for you: Having an A-hole honk at you when you are doing your civic duty by not blocking the effing box.
Anyway, despite the fact that I was shouting, “There’s a f***ing bus up there, you f***ing A-hole”—don’t ask me why I bothered to say the F word completely but then abbreviated the A word, as I’m not entirely sure myself—apparently you couldn’t hear me above all your honking. I was also gesticulating to the aforementioned f***ing bus, but apparently you didn’t get that either.
You may, however, have noticed during my gesticulation that I was holding something suspiciously like an open tube of lip gloss. I am not ashamed to admit that, yes, I had taken that moment to add some color to my lips. You probably thought I was some clueless woman driver who was so busy applying her makeup that she didn’t notice the light had turned green. I will just say to you that, while that may have happened yesterday, that wasn’t the case today, buddy. I was simply taking advantage of the stopped traffic to finish putting on my Work Face.
Finally, I just want to add, “Thanks.” Because of your rude behavior this morning, I got so agitated that I’ve actually (a) held on to my righteous indignation for the entire day, which is incredibly exhausting; (b) resorted to swearing on my blog; and (c) been forced to use the phrase “Work Face,” which is quite possibly the most annoying phrase ever. And that’s just unforgivable.