Ted*: Long-suffering husband who would prefer I not write anything about him at all.
Boof: 15-year-old son, a high school sophomore. Loves basketball, shoes, brand names that he doesn’t know how to pronounce, spending money he doesn’t have, demanding things he doesn’t deserve.
Billup: 12-year-old daughter, a 7th grader. Loves reading, soccer and basketball, worthy causes, knickknacks and tchotchkes that other people would classify as “garbage,” not cleaning her room, not putting away her stuff.
Glovey: Family dog, a cockapoo that loves people and other dogs. Most social and quite possibly best-looking member of the family. Adores her mistress, because her mistress is awesome.
*All names have been changed to protect people’s identities and prevent my kids from having to undergo any more therapy than they inevitably will have to undergo from having me as their mom.